homecoming

i have been getting lost in language lately. it's as if words grasp me, braid me up in their ropes and then leave me to understand what it all means. not being a native english speaker is not very helpful during this experience. while i have spoken english for at least two decades, the words trip me up still. i find myself looking into the dictionary for an exact definition and then write the opposite down so i can understand how to emotionally respond to the word. maybe you can relate?

 it has now been eight weeks since we have been ordered to shelter in place. in the 25 years i have lived in america, i have never experienced anything like this. i feel as if we are all being wedged into a corner of self-regulation. regulate who you see. how much you give. what you do. continually assess what actually matters.

 during this global experience, there are many who have lost their jobs, who have transitioned out of this life. many who have given birth, who are expecting a child. who are plagued with the question of what is next. and many who are unsurprisingly leaning into what remains unresolved in their hearts. for all of us, this is a sort of homecoming.

 i have had wonderful conversations with friends who have finally gotten to the root of their nagging pain body as a result of this time. the wide-open road to sink their teeth into the very marrow of their bones. i am overjoyed for their homecoming. i wish the same for all of us. i don't think there is anything quite as warming as the feeling of peace within your own heart. sitting with the stuff through this process of metamorphosis is the hardest part.

 i, too, have been using this time to “lean in” to what is deeply buried. the “work” has led me to a well of compassion for myself unlike anything i have experienced. it seems possible then to cultivate a space where i can have respect and reverence for my own heart, as i ask others to do the same.

 no matter what the new normal becomes, please know i am always here rooting for the best outcome for what you are growing through. wishing you healthy, enriching, and fulfilling (self)love wherever you are.

to the truth; to the light. 

big love,

Max & Nya.