the language of love

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after years of therapy, i have come to learn and realize that the language of love is composed of a four part harmony. the acronym for this harmony is RSHV — respected, seen, heard, and valued. every relationship is contingent upon the synchronization of this harmony. when a note falls, it isn’t without compromising at least one persons needs in the process, leading to conflict and distress. however, when all persons in a given relationship experience an exchange of all four harmonies, the result is love in its highest vibration. an affirmation that we are respected, we are seen, we are heard, and we are valued.

it is for us as individuals to decide what a healthy, loving, and supportive relationship looks like. what we need to feel respected, seen, heard, valued and how we can consciously choose to engage in relationships that aim to strike this four part harmony. next time you are in disagreement with someone, ask yourself if one of these four notes is missing and you will get to the root of the conflict much sooner.

as i learn what my needs are and how best to articulate them, it has become increasingly important to observe how i show up in my relationships. what messages i am transmitting by my actions, words, or lack thereof. it is a long time habit of mine to over give largely due to the fact that i never learned moderation when it comes to love. i have always been an all or nothing person because a lot of my primary experiences gave me just those two options. my brain is conditioned to believe in zero percent or one hundred percent and so my heart learned to give in the same manner. i am still learning how to move the lever in values other than all or nothing.

i don’t anticipate that we will all wake up tomorrow and become people who have conscious relationships built on RSHV, i do however anticipate that we will wake up and try. and the next day, try again. every day, patiently working toward being the best version of who we know we can be and what we know this world can become with our contribution to doing the work.

my yoga practice has returned to the space where it began, at home. my teaching has followed suit, leading classes solely through private instruction. my schedule for fall has a few slots open, send me a note to discuss your needs and how this practice can serve you.

i am so proud of you for doing the work. and know, at the moment that you read this, i respect you, i see you, i hear you, and i value you.

big love,

Nya.

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Nya Alemayhu

Nya Alemayhu is an author, entrepreneur, wellness coach, and yoga teacher based in Washington, DC. Nya began her physical asana practice in 2004 while attending university. She received her first teaching certificate in 2013 and has been sharing the gift of yoga ever since.